Archive | August 2013

Breathe In…..Breathe Out….

     Breathe in….breathe out. Simple sentence and it seems like it would be an easy one to accomplish, since of course we do have to breathe to live. It’s amazing though how many times a day we forget to breathe. Not the automatic this keeps me alive kind of breathing, but the stopping everything else that we are doing in our crazy hectic lives and breathing. Being grateful for that breath and the next one and the next, it’s a beautiful reminder for all of the moments we’ve forgotten to feel the grace and just be grateful.

     I know what you’re thinking, “she’s written about gratitude before”. You are right I probably have, probably not that long ago. Here’s the thing about my writing, my writing takes me to the lesson that I am seeking in that moment. What may seem like me telling others how to live truly is just me reminding myself of the way that I choose to live my life. I choose to live my life in gratitude, especially in the moments that I am finding it the hardest to have any. So, long story short, I’m writing about gratitude in this moment, because I am working hard to find it.

     I was reading today about this thing that the author Elizabeth Gilbert encourages people to do….the happiness jar. You essentially keep the jar on your desk and at the end of every day, or throughout the day when something happens that makes you happy, you write it down and put it in the jar. Same concept really as a gratitude list, just a little more dramatic……and it makes a nice decoration for your desk. So tonight as all I have is the paper and not the jar I’m going to combine the two and make a happiness list. Not for the day, but for my life, because sometimes you have to dig down past the layer of frustration to find your foundation.

     The Happiness List…..

     I am happy because I have learned that all of the wrong turns that I have made in the past have led me to all the right places. Sometimes I know I have to make six right turns to get me to where one good left could have taken me, but I got to go some amazing place that I would have never seen.

     I am happy for having spent time with every person who has graced my life, both those who stayed forever and those who were only there for what seemed like the briefest of moments.

     I am happy, because I know change only happens when you are ready to handle it. So I know when the winds of change blows my way it’s because I’m at a new level and I’m ready.

     I am happy that I can’t see the future, this allows me to learn to live in the moment. That is why when I can slow down breathe in….breathe out I can get back to this one and it’s the place where we all find the most happiness. This moment, because in this moment everything is just as it should be. I am right where I need to be learning exactly what it is I’m meant to learn.

     Breathe in…..

                            Breath out…..


I Can Get Up



     My favorite speaker Less Brown has a saying “If you fall down make sure you land on your back, because if you can look up you can get up.” I wish I had a good count as to how many times those few words have saved my life. Even during the worst of times when my daughter was a heroin addict and my whole family was coming apart at the seams. There were many mornings that I had to roll over on my back in order to remind myself that I could get up. There have been many days in the last few months that this has been uttered over and over in my head. I have noticed a difference this time though. This time I really knew in my heart that I could get up. This time I believed every word and as I uttered them I felt safe. This time my monkey mind that takes off racing with every imaginable worst case scenario didn’t take over, because I knew the truth in the statement “I can get up!”

     This has been a year for me that I assure you I will never forget. In a different way than one might think. It’s human nature to remember the bad times in our lives, but most people seem to believe it’s because they were the most traumatic. I no longer see it that way. Instead I think I will remember this particular tough time not because it was traumatic, but because why would I ever want to forget the things that have turned me into the woman that I am becoming. It’s kind of like if you get bit by a spider in a lab and become Spider Man….well that’s the kind of life changing thing you will want to remember. In my case it’s the same as becoming Wonder Woman, why would I ever want to forget the things that transpired so that I could claim my new identity?  

     At the end of the day this journey that I’m on has brought me to a place where I am changing every day. I am more grateful now than I have ever been, for both the things and the amazing people that I have in my life. Probably because I understand better than ever before what it is that’s important. I have more peace in my life than I have ever known, and in that peace I’m finding joy. Every day my universe expands and fills the day with better and better possibilities than the day before, and if I should stumble and fall I’ll know there is no reason to worry because I CAN get up!!