I don’t remember when it started exactly, I think as far back as I can remember I have always had a desire to see and experience the world. I have talked about it, dreamed about it through pictures of places far away, and planned for that someday when I could feed my dream. When I was a kid growing up my home town always seemed like it was a million miles away from the rest of the world…and in some ways it is. I was that one in a long line of family who never leaves their small hometown, that one who just wanted to be somewhere, anywhere else. I think it is a big part of why I have always loved fairytales. Not for the happy endings they portray, but for the glimpse of some far off wondrous place where you can make your dreams come true. So like I said I don’t know where it started, but I know for sure I will always remember that moment when the wanderlust became more than I could contain.
Wanderlust is defined in the dictionary as, “a strong desire or impulse to wander, or travel and explore the world.” Yeah, that’s me. I’ve been living my life disguised as an average, normal (to some degree) woman, while deep inside me beats the heart of a gypsy. They say be careful what you wish for, what you dream about, and what you think about, they say be careful because you just might get it. If I really stop and think about it, the universe has been trying to kick my ass out of town for a very long time now. I’d say for the last three years at least. Three years ago I was preparing to move from the place that had been my home for 17 years. The home where I had raised my children and had many others children wander through. I call it the house that raised me. Three years ago the universe decided that I was all grown up and I tried not to hear the world calling me. You see though I have the heart of gypsy, I’m also a Mom. A mom that despite the fact that her kids are grown has had a hard time admitting, “It’s good, they got this.” So instead of wandering outside of my comfort zone, I have wandered about this town from one place to the next trying to find a place to call home. Lately though I’ve had this thought, “what if the world is my home?”
What if the world were a magickal place that some of us were meant to roam? What if, it all really was ok…that everything and everyone you love would really be ok, in fact what if feeding my dreams would be the very thing that would make it ok? Then the question becomes the real question. What is really holding you back? Deep down in our heart of hearts, we all know the answer. The answer stares back at us from the mirror, it’s ourselves. The only thing standing between me and everything I want in the world is me. So maybe, it’s time. Time to put all of those dreams and plans to work, time to practice what I preach when I tell my girls “you can be anything in this life that you choose to be.”
So I’m choosing. I don’t choose to be a princess, or a queen, just a gypsy finding my way in a world she’s only ever lived in her dreams. So in twenty three days on June 12, 2015, I am becoming exactly that. Everything I own in the world now fits in a few boxes and fills a 5×5 storage unit. Mostly just memories and some books, my favorite things from my time in the world so far. The rest will be lovingly packed in my car, the perfect car for a road trip of epic proportions. The one I swear the universe bought me by getting me in a car accident one morning and then putting the road trip perfect replacement in front of me so I had to get her. My nerves are getting shaky as the day draws near, leaving anything is always hard even when you know you’re coming back. The thing about leaving that’s hard is the knowing that nothing will ever be the same at the end. That’s the thing about journeys, you never end up back where you started…..
Tonight in celebration of my journey, my quest, my dream I leave you with this from Elizabeth Gilberts, Eat, Pray, Love…
“If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.”