It always amazes me when someone hates school. That’s like saying I hate life. After all this is just one big cosmic class room for the learning impaired. Everyone running around with their head spinning trying to cram at the last minute for a test they didn’t know was coming. Sometimes it feels like every other day half the world wakes up and the Universe screams “pop quiz!” Sad part is Mom’s not always home to ask us what we learned today, and we are too caught up in the stress of it, or in some cases the mess of it and we forget to ask ourselves. Then there comes a day that stops us in our tracks. A day that was seemingly like any other, until it wasn’t. The day that causes us to get quiet and reevaluate our lives. To slow down, take a deep breath and just ask ourselves …”what was that really all about anyway, that thing that pissed us off so bad?”
You see lately I find myself in situations that normally would have turned me just around the corner from crazy and look at them in a different way. I’m feeling like those buttons you used to push aren’t there anymore. All of those things that you would do that hurt me are gone. Even when the same sin is committed by someone else. I used to hold it against them and get furious at the thought of them treating me the same way that you did. Now I understand that it is their lack not mine, but you brought it out in me because I felt the same lack at that time. The difference in then and now is that my heart is full and I don’t feel that lack in me anymore. When I see me, I know that I’m enough. No matter if you’re in my life or not I’m happy. So what’s my lesson in life been lately…”Love myself enough, to know that I can love you anyway.”
I’ve learned to love myself enough, to not yell at or lecture my children. I talk to them as if they can understand, and in return they listen. When things are down I give them the only thing I have to give them that means anything in this world. I give them my love.
I’ve learned to love myself enough, to not get mad at my critics, but rather understand the hurt that is behind the words that are said. It’s hard to look beyond words sometimes, but that is where we hide our elusive hearts.
I’ve learned to love myself enough, to know that most of what was said wasn’t the same thing that was heard. So we need to forgive ourselves for the moments that we did not understand and forgive others for the times that they did not.
I’ve learned to love myself enough, to know to trust that voice within When it screams “Write…you have something to say!” To trust in the possibility that what I have to say might change someone. That it might, just maybe change me.
I’ve learned to love myself enough, to know that it doesn’t matter if you see me….If you love me. For the first time in my life I’m not invisible, if you choose not to see me it’s because you’ve chosen to be blind. If you choose not to love me it’s because you’ve chosen to stay inside yourself a while longer…..and I’ve learned to love myself enough, to love you anyway.
I’m just waiting for the day when everyone quits hating class, and can truly say “I love school!” “It’s tough sometimes, but those are the times that are the most worth it.” Somehow they turn out to be the “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world moments.” They are just before the most beautiful moments of our lives. The one where we realize that if we could all just spend one day loving ourselves so much that we could say to those who do us wrong, lie to us, try to break us, the one’s with the lessons that allow us to grow. Could you say to them…I love me enough, to love you anyway?